Values Exercise
May 2003 - Photo by Dave Harris
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I said these words at the end of my winning speech at the International Mr Leather contest in Chicago, May 2003.
I wrote them because they are impossible to disagree with. You could be the killer in a horror movie and still "live up to the clothes you're wearing". I knew if I said anything vaguely concrete in my speech that lost me points I wouldn't win, but it had to sound good. I never really thought about my values until 2020, when training as a life coach and the students were asked to complete a values exercise. I found it incredibly useful - so I've copied it below. If you'd like to give it a try and first step is to download or print out the values_list.pdf below: |
| values_list.pdf |
- Make a list or circle on the printout all the values which are important to you.
- You decide what each word means. If you think two words have the same definition you can combine them, but please don't combine more than two words at a time.
- Once you've done that, narrow the list of chosen values down to your top 10.
- Now choose your top 5.
- Then your top 3.
- Now rank the top 3 in order.
This list may change over time, but it represents where you are now.
The benefits of knowing your values
You are more likely to succeed at goals or keep resolutions if they match your highest placed values.
We are happiest when the elements of our life (work, friendships, hobbies, relationships) align with our value system. Where there is conflict between something in our life and our values that will cause dissonance. You may not know why you are unhappy, but by working out what your values are we can see if there are any clashes.
Knowing your values can help with decision making. For example, if you feel you are being pulled in different directions we can see which direction would align more closely with your values.
Knowing your values can help resolve arguments. If someone is reacting strongly to a situation we can see if any of their values are being "poked".
Knowing your values can also increase your understanding, self esteem and acceptance of why you are who you are.
HELP WITH ORGANISATION
If you have an overwhelming 'to do' list it can be useful to work out which jobs are urgent and need doing because they are time specific, and which jobs are important to you because they align with your values. My "to do" list used to be more stressful because I thought every urgent job was important - now I see more clearly the different categories tasks fall into.
I mark time specific tasks in one colour, and tasks to do with my goals, values or well-being in another. Each day as well as "red" tasks because they are urgent, I try and do a "blue" task as self-care.
If a task isn't red or blue I can choose to keep it on the list as a reminder to myself, but realise it has less importance.
You can also ask the question "can this task be delegated?" Often we feel that we have to do everything by ourselves, but there's nothing wrong with asking for help.
We are happiest when the elements of our life (work, friendships, hobbies, relationships) align with our value system. Where there is conflict between something in our life and our values that will cause dissonance. You may not know why you are unhappy, but by working out what your values are we can see if there are any clashes.
Knowing your values can help with decision making. For example, if you feel you are being pulled in different directions we can see which direction would align more closely with your values.
Knowing your values can help resolve arguments. If someone is reacting strongly to a situation we can see if any of their values are being "poked".
Knowing your values can also increase your understanding, self esteem and acceptance of why you are who you are.
HELP WITH ORGANISATION
If you have an overwhelming 'to do' list it can be useful to work out which jobs are urgent and need doing because they are time specific, and which jobs are important to you because they align with your values. My "to do" list used to be more stressful because I thought every urgent job was important - now I see more clearly the different categories tasks fall into.
I mark time specific tasks in one colour, and tasks to do with my goals, values or well-being in another. Each day as well as "red" tasks because they are urgent, I try and do a "blue" task as self-care.
If a task isn't red or blue I can choose to keep it on the list as a reminder to myself, but realise it has less importance.
You can also ask the question "can this task be delegated?" Often we feel that we have to do everything by ourselves, but there's nothing wrong with asking for help.
"John has helped me to find a lot of clarity and perspective around things that have bothered me for years" - Lawrence, London
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